I’ve had this window open for about two hours, thinking about what I wanted to write about DMC. Take away his personality, his mind, his troubles, and he’s an all-star player. Or maybe he wouldn’t be, because he’d get less minutes on any team other than the hideous Kings.
He’s been averaging a pretty double-double this season, yet he is a constant subject of trades and can’t get out of the doghouse with his coach. This isn’t a Brook Lopez situation, where injuries force trade talk. This isn’t even a mid-2000s Artest situation, where it’s personality and personality alone that forces talk.
This is a player with a personality that doesn’t mesh well with his coach. That coach is a former interim coach who keeps finding himself heading up terrible teams. The team he coaches is owned by two billionaire dipshits who aren’t even trying to hide the fact that they’re trying to move the team to a bigger market. Oh wait, scratch that. Not a bigger market. No, they’re just selling the team to the highest bidder, because if we’re going to get into a discussion about whether Sacramento or VIRGINIA BEACH has a larger market, then we’re really wasting our New Year’s, aren’t we? The team that has been assembled is disgusting. Imagine a very athletic blob of mucus and pus that is all-too-aware of its situation, and realizes there’s no point in making any use of the talent it has. That’s your Sacramento Kings.
DeMarcus Cousins is an abnormal player in an abnormal situation, which invariably makes everyone look worse than they actually are. I’m excited for DeMarcus Cousins on his second team. Worked for fucking Andray Blatche, didn’t it?
While everyone was distracted by Kyrie Irving putting on a mask, Isaiah Thomas scored 23 points in the fourth quarter, and forced a pissed-off Kevin Durant to stop playing his 3DS and finish the job.
I love a point guard who don’t quit, and Isaiah Thomas don’t quit.
When I saw rookie Thomas Robinson trending on twitter, I figured he just dunked on somebody. Turns out he went “Ron Artest” on Jonas Jerbko.
This might be even more deliberate than the MWP elbowing. Play was dead, Robinson looked, and elbowed a guy straight in the throat. He deserved to be thrown out, and he deserves to sit a game or two. This isn’t just about a rookie needing to learn a lesson. This is about a MAN needing to learn a lesson.
Coming this fall to ABC, “Boogie and the Mormon”! Watch what happens when two COMPLETELY different guys find out they have to play on the same team!
Jimmer: “Hey DeMarcus, did you eat all of the pizza?”
Jimmer: “Well gosh darn it.”
The wackiness is a SLAM DUNK on the court in Sacramento!
Jimmer: “Hey DeMarcus, did you take a shit on the basketball?”
Jimmer: “Well don’t that beat all.”
And see how their friendship perseveres even in the toughest times.
Jimmer: “Hey DeMarcus, did you have intercourse with Tyreke’s girlfriend?”
Jimmer: “Well I’ll be dipped.”
Boogie and the Mormon! This Fall on ABC!