Theme by Theme Static

Baller Shots's avatar

Baller Shots

Michael Beasley’s stats, courtesy of Basketball Reference. Remember these? I ask because apparently 90% of bloggers on twitter can’t say his fucking name without making a joke about pot or how “crazy” he is. I just want to gauge how y’all on Tumblr are doin’. Yeah, mildly amusing the Suns sign a player with a mildly checkered past with an inconsistent game while letting Captain Canada hit the Sunset Strip. But what’s the point of wishing a guy gets past his drug “problems” if you’re just gonna slap him down again and again and again? Didn’t know you assholes wrote for Us Weekly. Sure, I poked at him in the past. But I also wished him the best. Hoped he got his act together. For the most part, it seems like he’s doing better. Last year was a bit of a setback, but I think he’ll have a nice little bounce-back year. So what does this mean for the Suns? Well, they get an athletic wing they haven’t really had recently, unless you count Hedo Turkoglu, who was there for all of a cup of coffee. Beasley was hurt last year, which would explain such a sharp drop in his stats. I think he can average 15-5 this year, probably shoot between 45-50%. But hey, I ain’t an expert. I’d suggest asking a professional, but they seem to be more interested in Mikey’s rap sheet than his rebounds, if ya feel me.

Michael Beasley’s stats, courtesy of Basketball Reference. Remember these?

I ask because apparently 90% of bloggers on twitter can’t say his fucking name without making a joke about pot or how “crazy” he is. I just want to gauge how y’all on Tumblr are doin’.

Yeah, mildly amusing the Suns sign a player with a mildly checkered past with an inconsistent game while letting Captain Canada hit the Sunset Strip. But what’s the point of wishing a guy gets past his drug “problems” if you’re just gonna slap him down again and again and again? Didn’t know you assholes wrote for Us Weekly.

Sure, I poked at him in the past. But I also wished him the best. Hoped he got his act together. For the most part, it seems like he’s doing better. Last year was a bit of a setback, but I think he’ll have a nice little bounce-back year.

So what does this mean for the Suns? Well, they get an athletic wing they haven’t really had recently, unless you count Hedo Turkoglu, who was there for all of a cup of coffee. Beasley was hurt last year, which would explain such a sharp drop in his stats. I think he can average 15-5 this year, probably shoot between 45-50%.

But hey, I ain’t an expert. I’d suggest asking a professional, but they seem to be more interested in Mikey’s rap sheet than his rebounds, if ya feel me.

I’d make a joke about how terrible your team is when Michael Beasley is leading it, but he’s been great this season, and good for him. Somebody needs to lead this damn rag tag buncha schmoes.

thehightopfadeaway:

Michael Beasley flips out on teammate, Nikola Pekovic, who didn’t get back on D.  This my friends, is Minnesota Timberwolves basketball.

(via Talkhoops on Youtube)

youtube.com

I don’t know what was more amazing: Lamar breaking Beasley’s ankles, high stepping to a behind-the-back pass, or that Derek Fisher apparently has to take the time to put his cane down before taking a jump shot.

God damn, Derek Fisher sucks, and Lamar Odom should be starting somewhere.

Also, Michael Beasley may have been TOO efficient. In 18 minutes of work, he

  • Scored 21 points
  • Nabbed 4 rebounds
  • Fouled 3 times
  • Got SIX TURNOVERS

Beasley, doin’ work.

10-04-2010 - Preseason - Timberwolves vs. Lakers - Lamar Odom Dances Around Michael Beasley (via TheRealCaCHooKaMan)

It’s a well-known fact that all tall people are in a secret club, with a secret language, and some other secret stuff. Secret gay stuff. Because according to 50 Cent, only homosexuals smile. 24seconds: Facebook | Minnesota Timberwolves’s Photos - Wolves Europe Trip

It’s a well-known fact that all tall people are in a secret club, with a secret language, and some other secret stuff.

Secret gay stuff.

Because according to 50 Cent, only homosexuals smile.

24seconds:

Facebook | Minnesota Timberwolves’s Photos - Wolves Europe Trip

Seriously you guys, Mike Beasley looks more like a pothead than he did when he was actually smoking pot. 24seconds: Mornin routine!! lol | Plixi

Seriously you guys, Mike Beasley looks more like a pothead than he did when he was actually smoking pot.

24seconds:

Mornin routine!! lol | Plixi

Is that… Michael Beasley? He’s got the face of an Rick James with the hairstyle of a Mickaël Gelabale Truly, that is Superfreaky. (I meant the fact that I reference Mickael Gelabale, not the fact that Michael Beasley happens looks like Rick James. Old Rick James, too. Seen-too-much-shit Rick James) 24seconds: Facebook | Minnesota Timberwolves’s Photos - Training Camp

Is that… Michael Beasley? He’s got the face of an Rick James with the hairstyle of a Mickaël Gelabale

Truly, that is Superfreaky.

(I meant the fact that I reference Mickael Gelabale, not the fact that Michael Beasley happens looks like Rick James. Old Rick James, too. Seen-too-much-shit Rick James)

24seconds:

Facebook | Minnesota Timberwolves’s Photos - Training Camp

i32.tinypic.com
HAHA. I believe this, 100%. Holy fuck, everything about this is funny. Let’s break down Why This is Funny Michael Beasley Sr. is now becoming the pre-eminent force in distributing Michael Beasley Jr. news. Fuels the fire regarding LeBron’s hatred of Delonte West, which in turn… Fuels the fire regarding the rumor/fact that Delonte fucked Lebron’s momma. Michael Beasley and Delonte DO look a lot alike, and now I am left wondering… Did Mike Beasley Sr. fuck Delonte’s momma? nbaoffseason: (sportsandshit: pacetola) Co-Sign. (brainworks)

HAHA. I believe this, 100%. Holy fuck, everything about this is funny.

Let’s break down Why This is Funny

  • Michael Beasley Sr. is now becoming the pre-eminent force in distributing Michael Beasley Jr. news.
  • Fuels the fire regarding LeBron’s hatred of Delonte West, which in turn…
  • Fuels the fire regarding the rumor/fact that Delonte fucked Lebron’s momma.
  • Michael Beasley and Delonte DO look a lot alike, and now I am left wondering…
  • Did Mike Beasley Sr. fuck Delonte’s momma?

nbaoffseason:

(sportsandshit: pacetola)

Co-Sign.

(brainworks)

How many nights will Kurt Rambis start Beasley, play him 40 minutes, then  follow up by playing him 5 minutes the next night? Over/Under starts at 40 games. nbaoffseason: Ball Don’t Lie: How Not To Wear A Hat Starring Michael Beasley by Trey Kerby Super Cool Beas looks Super Sad.

How many nights will Kurt Rambis start Beasley, play him 40 minutes, then  follow up by playing him 5 minutes the next night?

Over/Under starts at 40 games.

nbaoffseason:

Ball Don’t Lie: How Not To Wear A Hat Starring Michael Beasley by Trey Kerby

Super Cool Beas looks Super Sad.

Man. The Boston Celtics just get bitchier and floppier every year. thegrandarchives: Caption from NBA.com: “Paul Pierce reacts to a touch from Michael Beasley.” You don’t even know how hilarious this is to me. Even NBA.com has no problems in noting Paul Pierce’s bitchness.

Man. The Boston Celtics just get bitchier and floppier every year.

thegrandarchives:

Caption from NBA.com: “Paul Pierce reacts to a touch from Michael Beasley.” You don’t even know how hilarious this is to me. Even NBA.com has no problems in noting Paul Pierce’s bitchness.

OK FINE! Playoff Predictions

You jerks.

NBA Playoff Predictions

Western Conference

Lakers over Thunder - 6 games. Kevin Durant averages over 30 points a game, but misses a buzzer-beater in all 4 games they lose. Seriously, he is really terrible at that. Also, Westbrook averages a double-double against a frightened Derek Fisher.
Mavericks over Spurs - 7 games. Haywood, Nowitzki, and Kidd all average double-doubles. Tim Duncan spends his time skimming through an issue of The Economist.
Suns over Blazers - 4 games. Meanwhile, Greg Oden wins a hot dog eating contest over at the Physical Therapy Clinic, thus completing his transformation into Robert Traylor
Nuggets over Jazz - 5 games. Come on. This is like Rocky Balboa fighting Apollo Creed while Adrian’s in the hospital. Sure they might be damn near equal, but the Nuggets are fighting with a fire in their hearts, and with nothing to lose. Blockbuster film right there, natch.

Lakers over Nuggets - 6 games. For some reason, I sense that Ron Artest is going to get a quadruple-double in one of these games. Warier-senses, tingling!
Mavericks over Suns - 7 games. Nowitzki and Nash lead the charge for their respective teams, yet game seven is won by the Suns off of something stupid, like a Goran Dragic full-court toss at the buzzer in triple-OT. So fucking stupid.

Lakers over Mavericks - 5 games. Derek Fisher hits a game winner in Dallas. Mark Cuban eats J.J. Barea in anger, gets 5,000 new followers on Twitter as a result.

Eastern Conference

Cavaliers over Bulls - 5 games.  Bulls win the first game off a game-winning three by Luol Deng. Cavs proceed to win the next 4 games by 20+ points.
Bobcats over Magic - 7 games. I know. I’m as surprised as you are. But that’s the way it is sometimes, being an Oracle and whatnot.
Hawks over Bucks - 4 games. Brandon Jennings shoots 4%. Josh Smith makes all of Milwaukee swoon with his amazing athleticism. Oooh, J-Smoove!
Heat over Celtics - 7 games. Half of the Celtics roster proceeds to retire. Michael Finley officially declares he is “too old for this shit.” He then proceeds to play for three more teams over the course of the next 10 years, becoming less and less culturally relevant each time.

Cavaliers over Heat - 4 games. Michael Beasley wonders out loud where he can score some dank bud. Dwayne Wade decides to take the six-hour trip to Chicago. Shaquille O’Neal forgets to wake up for game four, but even when he does get up, he just spends the rest of the evening watching reruns of Gunsmoke on TV Land.
Hawks over Bobcats - 6 games. Joe Johnson somehow manages to score 276 points over the course of the series… without anybody realizing it.

Cavaliers over Hawks - 6 games. Several white journalists continue to mistake Mike Brown and Mike Woodson for one another.

Lakers over Cavs - 7 games. Kobe gets the game winning shot. Pau is Finals MVP. Lebron goes to New York. Prophecy status: FULFILLED.